15 June 2017


Some advice I wish I could accept myself is love the body you're in. My body is amazing it truly is. My body wasn't meant to carry children like it did, it wasn't meant to conceive easily but it did and i'm truly grateful for that. My body nurtured, grew and nourished two beautiful littles. My body kept them safe, kept them warm and made sure they got all the nutrients and were well cared for. 

My body grew from a size 6-8 to a size 24 in my first pregnancy. After having Lucas I shrunk to a size 18 then to a 16 after a while. I managed to shrink down to a size 12 just before I had my miscarriage in October 2015 and stayed that way until I fell pregnant with Iris. 
My problem was I was a hungry pregnant woman and now battle with my weight and food.

I'm currently in a love - hate relationship with my body and the constant reminders of healthy eating and how I should lose weight play on my mind and my self confidence is at a big FAT zero and I hate it. Iris is 7 months old. I'm only 7 months post partum. I'm back into a 14-16  so why am I feeling so bad about it?

Something that plays on my mind is how Iris will feel about her body. Will Iris hate her body? Will she feel like I have done my entire life?
I haven't always been big. I have yoyo'd a lot. when I met Brad I was a TOPSHOP size 4-6. I used to do slimfast back then too. I would drink coffee, eat a spoonful of peanut butter and smoke to curb the hunger. I know I suffered with an eating disorder on and off whilst growing up and I dread my Daughter developing one too.

The fact I felt fat at a size 4 and wanted to do a milkshake diet is terrifying. The fact we can look in a mirror and feel fat at that size is crazy. Our brains do some seriously strange things. I don't want Iris to look in the mirror and see anything other a beautiful, funny and powerful little girl who will one day turn into a beautiful, funny and powerful woman.
I don't want her to sit and sob over possible stretchmarks, saggy breasts, saggy tummy and worry what others think when they look at her.

Society is cruel, messed up and full of body hate; you're too skinny or too fat. You just cannot win. Why aren't we empowering ourselves with our incredible bodies whatever size they are. Why do we have so much girl hate and body shaming? Why do Men shame our bodies? (luckily mine is amazing)

Iris, it's okay to be skinny, it's okay to be chunky, it's okay to be wobbly, it's okay to not be, it's okay to have body hair, it's okay to be shaven, it's okay to be make-up less and it's okay to wear a lot.
Iris, it's okay to be ginger, blonde or brunette, it's okay to have green, red, blue or pink hair too. It's okay to have stretch marks, it's okay to have big breasts and it's okay to have small breasts. It's okay to love yourself and to love your body too.

Iris, please love your body, love yourself and love others. For you are beautiful and all woman are beautiful. Iris, you're beautiful and never feel you're not. You're worth it not worthless, be selfless not selfish and be YOU.
We will always love you no matter how you are.