16 December 2016


Dear little Lucas,

Where are you? Where have you gone? You used to be the so sweet; the most darling little boy, but you're not you at the moment. I know it's not your fault, and i'm so sorry you're struggling. 
Even when you're reducing me to tears and I still look at you and behind the slight disappointment in you, the embarrassment i'm feeling and the confusion of why you're behaving this way, is pure love still, a load of guilt, and the urge to pick you up and tell you that it's okay.

I've taken a few weeks off blogging to try and focus on you and nothing is working at the moment.
You're struggling with the change, and thats okay; I may be hurting with the fact I feel you resent me, but it's not about my feelings at the moment, it's yours and you must be hurting too, some days its hard to pretend i'm not finding you hard work.
Last week you had two days that you were wonderful, delightful and I was in my element. You were perfect and I felt so happy to be there cuddling you and appreciating you as the little Lucas I remember and adore.

I'm so sorry you're struggling Lucas, I can only imagine the confusion, jealously, frustration, and other emotions going around in your head. You've gone from an only child, having 1:1 time at bedtimes, never having to wait for anything, to being told to wait for a minute at the table after finishing your breakfast because i'm feeding your sister, to having your sister in your bath, and there when we read your books, otherwise she cries if she's by herself.
You've gone from being the baby, to our big boy, and that's a big change in itself. Although you'll always be out baby.

The funniest thing is you adore your sister, you've never showed any hatred, or aggression towards her. You say she's "cute" or "as cute as a button". You want to cuddle her constantly, usually sending me into a panic as you want to tickle her face, or attempt to lay your entire body on hers.
You are smitten by your sister and rightly so, I guess thats why you're struggling. Although I try really hard to split my time, and to make sure that you're still getting as much attention as I can give; it is different.
I have to feed your sister, only mummy can do that. Remember Iris is 'eating milk'.

I am so sorry you're struggling, I promise it will get better. You'll feel happier being a little more independent, Iris will also become a little less reliant on mummy as she gets older too.

I can't pretend I wont be happy to see the back of you not sleeping at night, you not listening to mummy or daddy, you screaming at me, you ignoring simple instructions, you not hitting out at us and yourself, you not throwing almighty tantrums, but at the moment you're struggling, and i'm here to support you and to help you.
You're two and a half, your 6 months into the "terrible twos" and 6 months away from being a "threenager" so I guess that you have all that going on and then you also have the added stress of your sister.

Not everything is bad, you know your manners and you know that you need to say sorry. Although when I say "don't touch the tree" and you say "sorry mummy" and touch it anyway, it doesn't have the same affect.

I'm sorry you're struggling, i'm sorry everything is changing, but you're still loved beyond belief.
Lets make christmas wonderful little man,

I love you dearly,