2 October 2016


I can't believe it i'm 36+5 today, which sounds still really early but Lucas was born at 36+4, really early, so even making it to 36+4 was weird as it felt like new territory for me. It's made me really anxious and I feel so uneasy not knowing when it's going to happen. The further I get the more anxious I get about my uterus not coping with my VBAC and my mum being out of the country. It's all getting a bit too much for me and I really am struggling. I am feeling a little low, not because she hasn't come yet, not because of anything in particular really. I cannot put my finger on why I am feeling down at all, I have been researching and have heard pre-natal depression is a thing. I guess with a history of anxiety and depression, a surge in hormones and other changes and stresses, it's probably quite common really.

It seems surreal that in 2 days i'll be full term, and if I went into labour no one would be worried, I could stay at home and labour for a while, instead of rushing into the hospital as i'm only 36 weeks and carrying a breech baby. It's actually a lovely feeling.

Lucas' behaviour has got so much better since my last blog post, without hopefully jinxing it, he's better at nighttimes and daytimes. He's been delightful, with a few normal toddler tantrums in between which are obviously expected, he is two after all. We've been constantly praising his good behaviour, cuddling him, really over doing it with love. Not that we weren't before, we're just being very overbearing with it, but still laying down the law on discipline when he is a little naughty.

We've been trying to get him out the house everyday we're together as a 3, even if it's just into town for a starbucks pumpkin spiced latte or to the nearest park. If we're still pregnant next Saturday we're off somewhere special for the day with my mum, Brad and Lucas and if i'm not pregnant then, well, we'll be postponing it unless i'm feeling alright, of course. Getting Lucas out for these days out are really important as once she's born, as we don't drive and if we go out anywhere out of bus routes, we end up relying on other people to drive, it's going to be a little more tricky with two carseats in the car.

Seeing Lucas running around, enjoying himself, having fun and just being so well behaved. He loves saying Hello to dogs, and trying to make friends in the park, whilst I waddle behind him snapping away and capturing his happy little face and candid memories.
I am too pregnant now to chase him around the park, carry him, to be honest, i'm too pregnant to do a lot of things, so it's lovely when we go out with others, or Brad and they can do that and he's happy to call me to show me what he's doing or to say "Hello mummy" from the top of a piece of apparatus or the slide.

Being this pregnant is amazing, i'm cherishing it, but at the same time i'm so ready to meet her and so uncomfortable. Although now I say i'd love one more baby, one more pregnancy at some point, by that I mean in like 5 years or something, I may change my mind, Brad may not want another baby, we may not be in a financial, or housing situation or even my body may just not produce or carry another little baby, and then we decide to stay with two. So this could be my last pregnancy.

I hope she comes soon, or at least before November as I feel that will really worry me in the VBAC sense and also, saying she has a November birthday, just sounds so much closer to christmas than October, which is crazy as she could come Halloween.

Either way, i've never been this pregnant before and it's really exciting, cool but also like "Okay, we're ready for you now"

*Linking up with Katie from mummydaddyme for The ordinary moments*

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