29 June 2016


Nothing is more interesting than a littles imagination. I'd love to be able to go into his brain and see what he's thinking about. I think it would blow me away in all honesty. We underestimate the intelligence of children and the extent their imagination can go too. Especially in toddlers.
Lucas has been sat in my blanket basket today, using it as a boat! Which is lovely until he picks at the basket and tries to break them! It's really frustrating when he brings you snapped bits of the basket and says "look mummy" and all you wanna do is scream "STOP IT!" They're from next and weren't cheap. Instead you say "thats lovely but please don't break them," Grrr.

Rainy days like today mean that play time involves a LOT of imagination, from myself and Lucas. Finding things to occupy our day is really hard when you have the worse acid reflux and want to kip on the sofa. I also have the worse baby brain too; it really is a thing.

Today we've had a dance party to Adele, he sings along to "send my love to your new lover," It's utterly adorable and hilarious, I am yet to pick it up on film though, he stops every time I get the camera out. We also played with dinosaurs, cars, playdough, but mostly we watched the rain, cuddled on the sofa and played in the baskets.

I've also had numerous, toddler head massages, and now I don't mean to sound ungrateful but hair pulling, ear poking and having Harold the helicopters propellers would round my hair till they stuck is rather, um, painful, but hey we mums, take whatever we can right?  I am currently typing this through the gaps in my "fringe" Lucas has made for me.

Play time when you feel like crap is a real struggle and takes an awful lot of woman power to get up and do it. I am grateful for the times he wants to just sit with me and cuddle me.
We also decided toilet training was a good idea today! It's not. He wee'd in his pants, on the floor and also decided to leave something else on the floor too... Not pleasant. Why is it when you ask them if they need to go and they say "no," and you don't believe them, but can't force them to go as you don't want to put them off, but it encourages them and reminds them they have that body function and then... um it's on the floor. TODDLERS!! Think we'll just encourage him to use it in the morning and night and then introduce it in the day at a later stage.

Today has been one where i'm at the "is it bedtime yet stage?" he's done nothing but whine at me and shout in my face when I say no, especially when it comes to climbing on me, bump + cramps + heartburn = irritable mama, meaning I don't want a toddler using me as a climbing frame it's not fun, it's uncomfortable and un-needed. Why do they chose these days to want to use you as a climbing frame? Makes me feel so guilty for not being the mum he wants me to be, but when your stomach is used as a pull up platform for feet and hands, with all his weight, I just cannot do it.

I have so much guilt at the moment towards parenting. When you're pregnant and feeling pretty darn crap, you cannot be the full of energy parent you have been. You cant lay on the floor and let them use you as a climbing frame, you cant chase them as much, you cannot pick them up as much, and throw them around and somedays getting off the sofa to play with dinosaurs or cars for the millionth time that day is such an effort, trying to get on and off the floor is an effort. Even when he wants to lay on me for a cuddle and he digs his chin into my stomach or another body part and it hurts, so you move him and he cries and you feel this massive surge of guilt, but you can't take how uncomfortable it is.

Even when we purchase things for Iris, I feel bad if we don't buy for him at the same time. He was so upset the other day that he couldn't have Iris' little jellycat bunny, so we purchased him his own as a reward for good behaviour. I need to remember that we did the same for Lucas when we were expecting him, as we are for Iris. I did purchase them a matching personalised dressing gown each today. They were on sale and a bargain at £4.99 each. So much guilt for so many little things when you're expecting another baby.

I hate the guilty feeling I have at the moment. Patience level is at a 3/10 and emotional level is at a 9/10. eurgh.

He'll never truly understand things at the moment, it makes me so sad.
So much guilt, but so much trying.
I love him unconditionally but somedays I feel worse than others and I have to try a little harder to play, use my imagination and get off the sofa. I guess i'll feel this guilt for a little longer too?

Leave a comment below if you fancy it, I love reading them!

*Linking up with Katie Ellison of mummydaddyme for the ordinary moments*