23 March 2016


When I became a mother, I had just discovered I was 4 weeks pregnant and the world seemed like the scariest place, I had to protect this poppy seed, sized baby with all my power. Even now I stare at Lucas and it baffles me that he used to be the size of a lentil and now he's this huge bundle of excitement and a toddler. He's going to be two in June and I cannot fathom where the time has gone or how this October will mark 3 years since I first discovered I was going to be a mummy.

I cannot remember a time where the idea of becoming a mother wasn't the biggest desire of mine. Since I was about 11, maybe even younger, I have had dreams of becoming a mum, I couldn't imagine a life where I grew old and didn't have a family to call my own. I would sit and imagine my life, which sounds crazy to type out and you'll all be thinking I am barmy, but i would imagine my future husband, the house, the garden, the animals and the family days out. One boy, one girl, a little dog, a couple of cats, a rabbit, some chickens, a big house with beautiful scenery, 11 year old Nicole was totally realistic as you can tell.

Anyway, being told at 19 that I was missing an ovary, and would possibly struggle to conceive, I just couldn't believe that possibly all those dreams of being a mother could be taken away from me. I had the discuss with Brad about the possibilities, and the what if's. Would we have to try IVF, what about adoption? It was such a scary prospect. I am so lucky that Brad is such an amazing human and is so supportive and just wonderful.

Anyway, finding out that I was expecting was so insane and the best moment of my life. Seeing the pregnant 1-2 weeks pop up on the clearblue, just totally overwhelmed me with emotions.
Watching the Lucas bump grow and grow, and my body stretch and gaining so many stretch marks, was the most amazing feeling in the world.

Since becoming a mother I feel fulfilled, I feel whole, I do feel I have room in my heart for more children, I would love 2 more, i would love 4 children, but Brad said we may have to meet in the middle with 3. Becoming a mother was my greatest achievement and I have never been so happy and content. I have the most amazing little boy and fiance, and honestly, our lives have their ups and downs, but all in all I am a really lucky human.