7 September 2015


From finding out I was pregnant on the 16th October 2013, to the first kick, to the labour room, till forever.Finding out I was pregnant was the best day of my life to date. I have never felt emotions like it. Excited, overwhelmed, nervous, shocked, every emotion going went through my body and mind that day. You can’t beat that feeling.
Back in the July i was told my chances of conceiving would be slightly slim due to abnormalities in my anatomy.
Reading the words “Pregnant” made me numb and silent, sat on the toilet at 5:30am. I still remember running in the bedroom where Brad was sleeping pyjama shorts by my ankles, shouting and blubbing “WERE PREGNANT!” I could conceive, I could actually make a baby.
I couldn’t hold in the secret at all, I wanted to tell everyone, the whole universe.

The sickness kicked in, the exhaustion, everything, yet it still didn’t seem real. I had been in for 5 scans before the official 12 weeks scan, We went through so many different feelings during those first 12 weeks, we were told I could be loosing the baby, the baby might not make full term, I could possibly miscarry, I might not be able to carry the baby to a safe point, If i couldn’t carry this one to a safe point I may never carry a baby to a safe point, so many different emotions, so much to take in. We were told not to let me stress out for the baby’s sake, but how can you not? Something you want so badly could be taken away from you in a flash and it would be all over.

13 weeks hit, we had officially announced it to the world, we were one step closer to getting out of the danger zone and one step closer to actually having our baby in our arms. We reached 16 weeks and had our 4D scan and it was revealed we were having a little boy! We had decided on Lucas and it really sunk in and became real that I was mummy, especially after feeling his first kick at 17 and a half weeks.

The whole pregnancy was exhausting, sore and amazing. Every ache and pain, sicky feeling and stretching sensation was a sign my body was coping well with the pregnancy and meant that my baby was well. Every kick, every flutter, every hiccup, the stretching of the bump, everything, was showing me I was mummy and would do anything for him. As if I didn’t already know that.

The night my waters broke, it was 2:30AM on the 3rd June 2014 and was the moment I freaked out, I had been so calm and organised the whole pregnancy, well after the initial 12 weeks, but all of a sudden I panicked, I felt so unprepared. Throwing stuff into the hospital bag in pure worry, knowing he was breech and knowing it was 3 and a half weeks earlier than my due date. Was this all about to be over? Was mu nightmare about to become a reality? Then whilst laying flat not being able to be the first one to hold him, my heart broke, I loved him, I wanted to hold him, He was detached from me after 9 months and taken away and placed into Brad’s arms and all I could think about was “I should have been the first one to hold him,” I now also officially believe in love at first sight. He was and still is Perfect, 110% perfect.

Holding him in my arms finally is one moment I will never forget, he was mine and I never wanted to let go, I didn’t want to share him, he was my world.
I was scared that I was no longer his little bubble to protect him.

Taking him home was amazing. He was home, he was ours and I was officially mum.

Since Labour day its been 100 days of pure perfection. I am mum and he is mine. I sit and watch him everyday for most of the day. Babies are such time wasters, but so worth every stare. It’s mad how easy it is to blink and miss something. You blink and he’s gone from 3 days old to 3 months old and in no time at all I will look back on this and he we be 3 and then 13 and so on.

Being a mum means you make sacrifices, you are the most exhausted you have ever felt in your life but it’s for the happiest reason ever, you go hungry in order to make sure your little one doesn’t, and by the time you can eat you have forgotten you were even hungry, you spend every waking moment picking up after them and they spend their time picking it all back out again.

Being a mum is trial and error, you will make mistakes, you will forget things, you may even put nappies on backwards… No one is perfect and for certain no one will do everything exactly “right”

As long as Lucas has my 110% attention, love, support and time, he will always be happy in the knowledge that mummy loves him. We will have tiffs when he’s a teenager, temper tantrums during the terrible twos, and just plain ol’ strops throughout his life i’m sure. I wait and dread the day he turns round and says “I hate you” or something, but if he continues to be the mummy’s boy he is, I am safe in the knowledge that he will always come back for a mummy hug at some point.

Becoming a mum and being mum is not easy, you give up so many things, you make so many changes, you sacrifice your freedom and care free life for them.
You become a nurse, alarm clock, councillor, chef, cleaner, bogey wiper, tear dryer, laundry lady, human teddy bear, teacher, clown, their number one carer!
You sacrifice your body, you have this extra skin where your flat tummy used to lie, you have stretch marks in places you didn’t expect to get stretch marks, you spend the summer in black tights as you have them down to your calfs, you have an extra chin all of a sudden, and although no matter how much you tell yourself it’s for them and you are happy with that, you are always bound to feel slightly uncomfortable and unattractive.   
I’ve shared some of the most vulnerable photos of me via this post, I’ve always been so embarrassed by my no make, spotty faced, tummy, stretch marked tummy photos after having Lucas, but today I share them with you my followers. This was the most vulnerable I have ever felt, laying naked on a hospital theatre table, having to be washed by strangers as I couldn’t do it myself, not even having one layer of foundation or mascara on to make me feel normal, greasy hair because I couldn’t get up to go wash it and was planning on doing it that morning. I look back now and it feels like a distant memory, but i remember at the time it being the most scariest and terrifying time of my entire life. Yet I still want to do it all again in a couple of years time.
I’d love to hear your stories about becoming mum to being mum (or even dad) Does anyone have care to share?