29 July 2021



These are 36 week bump photos, but apart from dropping nothing has changed size wise! We're literally at the stage baby could be here at anytime! Anytime is absolutely crazy to know we'll be having our final little piece of the puzzle, our final little adventurer, our last little bundle of joy and I honestly CANNOT WAIT. I am so ready, I am uncomfortable, I'm exhausted, I am ready to sleep for a week, maybe a year. 

I ended week 36 in the day unit with irregular but seriously painful contractions, they did show on the TOCA but during this they noticed his heart rate wasn't normal, it was 164 as a base rate and kept accelerating to 170,180 and 190 and at one point hit 200 bpm. I was attached for an hour and a half before they were satisfied it was normalising to a normal base rate. As you can imagine being told your in utero baby is tachycardic is pretty scary, but thankfully they think it was just that he was wiggling a lot and going crazy... still pretty scary. That was 4 days ago and I'm now just grouchy and miserable with the fact his head is fully engaged and I can't walk properly, roll or do anything. Nesting is getting so tricky and to be honest, I'm just finding shit to clean at this point when in reality the pregnancy exhaustion is insane and  I just need to sleep all the time. 

We have officially attached his snuzpod to the bed, put the swinging crib in the lounge, got his gorgeous Baloo play gym ready, swings assembled and kept in his cot for now, sheets have been washed, everything ready to go and it all feels so surreal. This has been the first pregnancy I'm still yet to believe I'm going to be having another baby in my arms. My maternity leave officially started last week, I have no more shoots booked in for a while and just finishing off the last of my AD's and blog work, although for me, I find it so nice typing blog posts about birth, editing photos of the baby (talking in past tense in regards to the other 3) whilst breastfeeding at 3am, trying to stay awake. So I never really switch off from my blog as it's my online diary, our memories as well as a job for me. Talking of breast-feeding I managed to harvest some colostrum for the first time ever the other day, my boobs have been leaking randomly for a while but I managed to get some milk and its now in the freezer, there's the most tiniest amount but who knows when it may come in handy! Im so amazed and just determined to have a successful breastfeeding journey again this time. Rufus' would have been as successful as Iris' had he not have had all his allergies and gastro & reflux issues, but at least I know the signs now and know not to substitute for soya If we feel there's a dairy issue going on with this little dude. 

I really hope this is my last update and I don't type a 38 or 39 week update and the next one of this series and last baby is "CASPAR'S BIRTH STORY" because my gosh I am so ready to snuggle this darling boy of ours. So ready. I just want him here safe and sound. We've limited visitors, shut off the world a bit and now the bigger little people have finished school, the only risk of covid coming into the house is through Brad and his job, which is very slim as there is low concerns in that area and they wear PPE. We are deliverooing top up groceries and have a food shop booked for tomorrow as we're avoiding going into shops as although most of the population is still wearing masks, a lot aren't, and it's not the law so it's up to them now, so we just want to keep the risk level a minimum. It's not for much longer and we can finally slowly start to drop our guard a little, although remaining a little cautious of Caspar and his immune system and obviously depending how quickly I can get my vaccine done after he's out. Although I could get super poorly and so could Caspar my biggest concern now is my birth. I want another water birth, a calm and collected water birth, even being asymptomatic (which would be a shocker for Nicole and her shit immune suppressed system) this could mean that could be denied because of the increase risk of infection to staff, I could be made to wear a mask in labour, which although many Mum's say they would refuse and I understand that, I would feel awful and obliged to protect the midwife looking after me, you don't know what their home situation is like, whether they have a vulnerable family member, a child, etc... vaccinations make a huge difference but vulnerable people are still at risk more than most and also if I needed a c-section they can ban Brad and I've known of it happening in my local maternity hospital, from theatre for the exposure risk and I don't want him to miss his birth. So yeah, we have to be super on the ball now, so we're not being dicks, just too close to the finish line to slow down and let our guard down now, especially with the shitly named "pingdemic" and cases being high. 

Anyway, enough of that! Hurry up baby boy, we want to meet you now. The last hours, days or weeks of my last ever pregnancy is in sight and we'll finally be complete. Four littlest darlings, four little Walters.

BABY IS THE SIZE OF: Watermelon, Winnie the Pooh's pot of honey & one Doc Marten boot, 
MY FAVOURITE MOMENT WAS: Setting up his little bits ready for him.
I HAVE BEEN FEELING: Nervous, I was watching one born every minute and shit my pants (not literally) and was like I CANT GIVE BIRTH! I know I can and I know I love it, so shut up Nicole.
I HAVE BEEN BUYING FOR BABY: A Konges slojd sling!
IM LOVING: Seeing his little stuff ready for him and knowing it's not far away now
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO: Sleep more. seriously, i'm awake every night between 2:30-4:30

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