4 April 2017


Motherhood is so difficult, it's messy, it's exhausting, you can't always go on holiday, have your nails, hair and make up done or always wear the latest trends, but the internet paints this picture. We're all guilty of it, me included. I have an ideal look to my photos, I only upload photos taken on my SLR camera to instagram, I like to capture the happy moments but also not sugarcoat over the hard times; but sometimes you do.

Sadly this being said, this sends a message out to non mums that motherhood is a walk in the park, when actually you're lucky to even get there somedays. It sends a message to Mum's to be, that it's all about snuzpods, sleepyheads and Ewan the dream-sheep, when actually in reality not everyone can afford those things; I know that when I was expecting Lucas I certainly wouldn't have been able to.
Then it sends a message out to Mum's who are already Mum's, the ones who may be struggling everyday, that they're alone and they're not.

I am guilty of sugarcoating myself at times, and getting suckered in by this too. I'm also brutally honest and if you asked me outright I'd tell you life isn't always sunshine and rainbows and behind the cute pictures of my kids is a load of outtakes and photos that get chucked into the macbook's trash folder. I sometimes shout at my kids, sue me, not everyone can do gentle parenting and hugging it out isn't for everyone. I give Lucas the youtube kids app to watch in the mornings so I can doze next to him for an extra hour, sue me, I am up breastfeeding a baby all night. My kid will throw an almighty tantrum in the middle of the busiest shopping centre, sue me, I will be that Mum that wants the world to swallow me up - whilst I go down with two fingers up to the judgemental few that walk past.
I also love my kids unconditionally, cuddle them whenever they'll let me, smother their faces WITH KISSES, as much as I possibly can - because I think they're beautiful. I watch them sleep, but at the same time can't wait for their bedtime.

I am guilty of photographing them at the best, but will always caption an insta photo with something along the lines of "HE STILL WONT SLEEP AND HE'S NEARLY THREE" or "He was an absolute shit bag today" or "Why won't my daughter let me put her down so I can poo?" if I'm having a rough time.
I mean I'm not going to get my SLR camera out and take pictures of my full up laundry basket, sink full of washing up or pile of dirty nappies that have stacked up through the day and chuck them on instagram, but it's all there, just like everyone else's.
I don't have a cleaner, I have to do it myself, I can't do minimalism, because my house is too cluttered with my kids toys, they have four sets of grandparents so want for nothing and in all honesty I only do speed cleaning because it's the only way I get cleaning done with two kids.

On the subject of wanting for nothing, my kids may look like they have everything and we have loads of money spare, but the bigger picture is my kids have FOUR SETS OF GRANDPARENTS, so come their birthday or christmas they get lots of lovely presents and toys. We also buy them clothes sporadically throughout the year so they always have nice clothes. This does mean Brad and I go without to sacrifice for this. We don't buy ourselves anything lovely to wear because our kids come first. Brad also works 12 hour shifts and works 48 hours a week to support us as well as my side jobs and maternity pay. This is things no one shares as it's no ones business, but I have the same struggles as other families in regards to finances.

You see loads of internet Mum's darting off on holiday, shopping with Waitrose and Hello Fresh, with their latest Asos haul clothes on, their top of the range pram and changing bag, hair done, nails done, make up flawless, and you feel jealous. You're probably mumbling as you read this, 'yeah, so do you,' and I'll be open and say Yes, Yes I am. We're scrimping and scraping to pay for a wedding and a honeymoon this year but we haven't paid for a holiday in the 5 years we've been together. Remember when we took Lucas to Disneyland, when he turned one? Well that was generously paid for by my Mum and her partner.

Then lets talk about post baby bodies too, I have thee worst over hang from a section, 2 babies & 3 pregnancies in 2 years and also the lack of motivation to do anything about it. Not everyone has the time for the gym, jogging every morning at 5am before the littles wake up and also not everyone cares.
I can never find anything to wear in my wardrobe, nothing fits and I feel gross and it took a boomerang of me yesterday to feel the motivation to change when I realised how much I'd let myself go. Finding the time between keeping a toddler alive, breastfeeding a baby, my blog schedule, my social media clients, writing for a website, keeping a social life going and my husband-to-be's work hours is hard work.
This being said some people are really lucky and that doesn't mean they're not real, thats just them; but everyones body will change inside and out after having children.

So basically this isn't me saying that anyone who lives their lives like i've stated above isn't real, because to them it probably is. It's that not everyone has the same struggles but there is a hidden side to the internet, a really hidden side of snotty cover clothes, a full laundry basket, a pile of crap behind the person taking a photo of their cute child in the only tidy spot of their home so it's instagram worthy. There is probably a child climbing up their leg or watching Peppa pig while they put some make up on their face to cover the 3 years worth of bags under their eyes. They've bought a gorgeous aztec rug to cover the food, shit and wee marks on their cream carpets. Their grey sofas are cleaned with vanish to get out food and felt-tip pen marks. They've got crayon on their walls and a landlord they don't want to annoy.
Not everyone can afford to buy a home, some rent, some are council and some are housing association but who cares? Not everyone can afford the latest car, a nice car and some can't afford a car at all; we can't even afford to learn to drive. We get buses.

The struggles of parenting for some are far more than "pass me the wine", "I live in a mum bun" or "I haven't drank a hot coffee in years".
The internet is and can be an amazing place for mothers to not feel alone, I mean some of my absolute best friends were thanks to instagram, but it's also the thief of joy. Comparison is the worst, but so is the bucket loads of sugar coating that goes on and if you don't fit into a certain category you feel unaccepted.

Post natal depression is on the rise, loneliness and social media plays a huge part in it.
The internet is NOT showing a true reality of parenting and we're all guilty of hiding things too, even those who say "I am real and honest". We all have struggles, we're all fighting our own battles.
We need more realness and this is my pledge. I WILL NO LONGER SUGARCOAT ANYTHING.