1. THERE IS JUICE IN YOUR BEAKER:
Lucas has this obsession with "juice," we're not sure where it's come from or why, as we're very strict on squash and juice but he asks for it. The funniest thing is, we take his cup/beaker of water, grab the squash, pretend to pour it into the cup or beaker and hand it back, exactly the way he had it before, pure tap water and he sips it and walks around smugly going "juice." We're happy as he's still got water, and he's happy as he's a naive 2 year old, who thinks he's got his own way. I'm okay with that. God help us when he realises. I can't wait for the tantrums over "JUICE."
2. ITS NIGHTTIME:
Which usually means 6pm. 6pm is Lucas' bedtime most nights, occasionally if we're out or have been out it can run over to 6:30/7pm, but most nights its 6pm. We have our strict, dinner, bath, book, bed routine and it seems to work okay for us. Once again, most nights, I cannot always guarantee he'll go to sleep. He's currently making noises in there now, so he's probably reading his favourite book "the slow snail" and i'm waiting until he's 100% asleep before hopping in the bath. I tell him it's nighttime and that it's dark out, so little boys and girls have to go to sleep as all the night people are coming out. That sounds a lot more terrifying than it is; by night people I don't mean the bogeyman, jack the ripper and the sandman.
I am ever so grateful for black out blinds, toddler naivety and once again black out blinds. Either way, he believes it's nighttime, and I get at least an hour to myself to danger nap, bath or eat before Brad gets home.
3. ITS TOO EARLY:
Another white lie from someone who is sleep deprived due to pregnancy, weeing all night, the heat and heavy bump syndrome; oh and a toddler that thinks at nearly 2 and a half it's okay to tantrum in the middle of the night for no reason other than being a pain. Anything before 7am, if he wakes up in a bad mood we tell him "it's too early" and put him back to bed, this sometimes works and he'll go back to sleep, other times, he'll have a tantrum, and then lay in bed grumping and get up in a good mood and then we allow him to get up. This is when I thank the creators of Frozen, Peppa pig and the Moomins for creating their shows that allow me an extra hour of shut eye and a lovely cuddle with my son. Although, an extra hour of uninterrupted sleep would be bliss. Welcome to parenthood of a toddler I guess.
4. YOGURTS ONLY APPEAR ONCE YOU'VE EATEN ALL YOUR DINNER:
Yeah this one backfires on me most days, he gets the milk out the fridge for his breakfast every morning, so he knows they're there. Either he's calling my bluff, or he just likes whats on his plate that night but some nights it works, other nights he's just mocking me, and refuses his dinner, demands a yogurt and knows damn well i'm going to give him one as I don't fancy a hungry child waking me up in the night and i'm just like "EAT WHATEVER KIDDO, I DON'T CARE."
I think this attitude screams i'm heavily pregnant and will bow down to my child when it comes to food.
5. THE ICE POLES HAVE RAN OUT:
This summer, we have regular demands of "ICE PO" from Lucas, and apart from the fact, he's eaten 2 of them already that day, or the fact the sugar content and E numbers are probably not great, they're bought to satisfy my cravings and cool me down, god damn it. Why can't us mum's just have one treat we don't have to share? I'm not too mean and on the hot days, we'll share them out evenly or i'll part freeze his water to a slushy substance to cool him down, but when it's not that hot but being a human oven, it feels like it's 50 degrees Celsius, I will pretend that they're all gone.
6. WE'RE NOT DOING/GOING TO *INSERT TRIP/ACTIVITY* TOMORROW UNLESS YOU GO TO SLEEP:
Without a doubt if we have nice plans or a nice activity planned then we're going to do it anyway, but bribery at bedtime is acceptable right? Lucas was meant to be asleep 40 minutes ago, but i've been in 3 times and said "RIGHT WE'RE NOT GOING ON A TRAIN TOMORROW NOW" and he's like "Mummy, train, please," and i'm all like "not unless you go to sleep now," eventually, he'll go to sleep and I can be like, well I did say, "not unless you go to sleep now," and it may have taken 3-4+ threats of that, but it worked eventually. I'm sure this kid mocks my lenience. Either way, we will still be going on a train tomorrow, and i'm sure tomorrow night it will be "no ice cream, if you don't go to sleep now," It's the attempt that counts right?
7. IT'S BROKEN:
So the train, that was moving, on the ride in town was broken today. Those things kids sit in and cost a pound outside shops, they're always broken. Even the DVD was broken the other day, that was a different story though, that was an attempt to stop him from making them spin in the case and scratching them, and then today, Peppa Pig really did break. Either way, anything I don't want to pay for is broken. Those rides cause nothing but tantrums, once they're done and we have to leave, or even if we never put any money in the machine and he just sits in them, the biggest tantrum breaks out once he has to leave it, so we avoid them now, with "it's broken." Don't judge me, i'm too pregnant to fight with a kicking toddler over a iggle piggle boat ride outside toys r us.
8. ITS MEDICINE (this one sounds worse than it is):
No I don't drug my child, no we don't encourage taking medicine, if anything it's the opposite. Lucas is obviously only 2 and during the heatwaves assumes because he's so hot, he has a temperature and thinks he's poorly. Obviously we know he's not, but he'll wake up screaming "medicine, medicine," obviously giving him calpol because he's hot, because we're having a heatwave is going to do nothing and wont cool him down and also encourages him to take medicine when it's not needed and when he does need it his body will become immune and also lets be honest, unless your kid is poorly, theres no need to put medicine in their bodies, that's the obvious one. We have found a way around this and 5mls of very diluted blackcurrant squash in a syringe, and voila he think's he's had magic medicine and will go back to sleep, we are happy in the knowledge we've fooled our child, and averted a huge, unnecessary tantrum and as he gets older and understands we'll explain to him that he's been having squash and he doesn't need medicine as it wont help. For now this works for us.
9. QUICK GET THE POST! ITS FOR A PARTY:
At 32 weeks pregnant, getting off the sofa or floor is rather hard, Lucas loves the post and loves it when we get parcels so when the postman comes and delivers to post, I tell him he can have the envelope for a party and he runs and gets the post. he's like a little dog. He loves it. He then takes the envelope to the bin, he's obsessed with putting things in the bin and I haven't had to get up. Wow that makes me sound lazy, but he really does LOVE getting the post.
10. WALK OR WE'LL GO HOME AND GET THE PRAM:
Some days Mr independent wants nothing to do with his stroller, like today. He'll scream and push it back in the house and push it over. He'll refuse to get in it and wont even let me take it out the house. Then 5 minutes down the road he'll go "mummy, duddle" and stand there with his arms up. Now i'm far too pregnant to carry him, it's also far too hot, and he's too big. So out comes the "You have to walk or shall we go home and your pram?" he'll go "NO PRAM, WALK" and keep walking, he'll continue asking occasionally for a "duddle" or "go head" (go on our shoulders) but I just keep using the pram phrase. I have literally no intentions of going back for the pram, once i'm out, i'm out but the threat encourages him to walk a little further before the next "mummy, duddle." I'm hoping he'll be better once we have the buggy board and he can ride on that once he's tired.
What white lies do you tell your kids? Please don't tell me i'm on my own!
I will always show the honest face of parenting, as we all have little naughty tricks up our sleeves.
