19 February 2017


Finding out you're pregnant is full of many different emotions. Pregnancy after a miscarriage is another kettle of fish. One year ago, today, I sent Brad to the little corner shop to grab the cheapest pregnancy test as I paced up and down the lounge holding in that first morning wee. We'd tested three days prior and had a negative result, so even though I was now five days late, I was assuming it was going to be a negative result. 

It was 6am, the shop was just opening and Brad ran out to grab a test. Once he returned i'd never been so happy to see the toilet. I watched the cheap, pink dye test show the one line boldly and prayed that the second one would appear. It felt like forever. That second line appeared. It was faint, but it was there.

This is when the mixed emotions set in, we were excited, but also terribly scared. I felt sick, partly from the shock, but partly from the pregnancy symptoms. I'd been feeling sick for a couple of days already anyway. I was worried that the faintness meant it was another miscarriage, I was scared it was wrong. On the other hand though, I was excited and hopeful.

For three more weeks on, I tracked with a clearblue digital test. I saw the 1-2 weeks, the 2-3 weeks and then the 3+ weeks. I was excited but still nervous. We miscarried four months prior to conceiving Iris and miscarried around 5/6 weeks. So I was hopeful as we had got further than before, but still hesitant to get too excited.
The first twelve weeks were scary, So scary, but we made it.

I cannot believe that one year ago today, I first discovered we were expecting our beautiful rainbow baby, and now she's 17 weeks old. She's trying to crawl, she can sit unaided for short periods of time, she's giggling, chewing things and playing with her feet. She beams us the biggest smiles and makes me feel proud. She's a wonderful little girl, with an already, wonderful character. She keeps me up at night, but those sort of things can be forgiven.

One year ago I was terrified. I was anxious, excited, optimistic and pessimistic but today, i'm proud, happy, in love and feeling lucky.

Iris was born on October 22nd 2016, exactly one year on from the positive pregnancy test we saw with the baby we miscarried. It's surely a coincidence, but a special one and one of those strange, but sweet coincidences.
Iris was officially registered as a human at 9 days old, on October 31st 2016, exactly one year on from that day that we lost the pregnancy.

I cannot believe how lucky I am to be typing this next to my snoring, gorgeous little girl. One year on from the day we knew she was here.
One year on from being the size of a poppy seed. I can't wait to see what will happen in a years time, when we can once again look back, "one year on"

*Linking up with Katie of mummydaddyme and Donna of What the redhead said for the ordinary moments*