MY VBAC FEARS

As time gets closer and closer to my due date, and the thought of going overdue and being induced hits me, it scares me of all the things that could go wrong during a vbac. I know the risks are low and the percentages are low, it still worries me that I could be in that really small percentage of people and would I regret my decision of attempting a natural birth, but then I also wonder whether I would regret it if I went straight for a c-section without even trying for a natural birth.
Its all rather overwhelming and obviously for reasons that are totally acceptable. Birth isn't easy and it is painful either way.

With Lucas it was really straight forward, he was breech, I was booked in for a c-section at 39 weeks, and at 36 weeks, he was too eager and broke my waters, meaning I was taken in for a c-section that morning to stop him from trying to come naturally. 

This time round she's doing what she's meant to, I guess, she's still in my stomach past full term, she's head down, engaged and time's ticking to when i'm going to labour and when we're going to meet her. 

I am so eager for a natural birth and hope and pray that my sweep works and that she's born and all is well and it's a positive birth, but then reality says that even in uncomplicated births, it can all go crazy and next thing you know you're being rushed down to theatre and being cut open to deliver your baby.

The thought of being induced and my uterus not coping, the thought of another section, the thought of a rupturing uterus and having to be put to sleep to deliver our baby girl, meaning I don't get to meet her for hours and Brad doesn't get to see her be born terrifies me.

I naturally have this idea of the perfect natural birth and the thought of it not going that way and ending in a section is horrible.

I don't want anything fancy, nor am I expecting much, just as natural as possible, hypno birthing, as little drugs as possible, to be able to walk and move around and to just be able to push my own child out. That's all. I'd always wanted a water birth but sadly that isn't ever going to happen and I have to be okay with that. 

I worry more because of my unicornuate uterus and hope that all this worrying is for nothing. You never know this post is being written in the past and scheduled for the future, so you could be reading this and already have had a birth announcement. 

I have a lot of anxieties surrounding birth and hope that my sweep works and that we'll have our baby girl, delivered naturally. The midwife did say if I approach due date, and look like i'm going overdue, i'll have to see my consultant again and we'll discuss what to do and i'm worried that for mine and Iris' safety they'll suggest a c-section at 12 days overdue (If I go that far) and in all honesty, i'd be gutted about no natural birth but also the fact, that I could have been booked in for planned section and met her at 39 weeks. 

Anyway, who knows, i'm nervous but also very excited and hope that i'll have the successful vbac I so desperately want and we'll finally meet our baby girl soon as I already feel overdue, due to the fact that Lucas came so early and we had to be prepared for the fact she may have followed in his footsteps.

Also looking back at these pictures of Lucas is making me so excited for her to be born.

Thanks for reading,