- Sleep - I really miss sleep.
- Sex - Especially if you’re sharing a room with the little. (Sorry for the TMI, but we all can relate)
- Showering/baths - do you like an audience?
- Make-up - If you’re lucky enough to even do it, you get a kick during the eyeliner, a grab during the lipstick and you turn around to find the little one munching on the foundation bottle, then you give up.
- Plucking your eyebrows - sleep or eyebrows, eat or eyebrows, crying baby or eyebrows? this list goes on… you usually opt for caterpillars.
- Hot drinks - Whats that? Oh a room temperature cup of coffee, yeah thats what i drink.
- Daytime TV - Peppa pig? You know the one that sings… “Bong bing boo, bing bong bing, bing bong bingerly bongerly boo,” or Mr Tumble with his bloody spotty bag and if you’re really unlucky Dora the explorer, yeah the one who cant find the bridge thats a inch away from her face without asking you whilst you sit in silence as your kid doesn’t answer it, so you yell “ITS OVER THERE DORA, YOU … IDIOT” and then she replies with “Thats right,” and you sit there smuggly thinking Dora’s finally admitted she’s an idiot. (OK maybe i’ve rambled on about my hatred for children’s tv enough)
- Fashion - You just can’t afford to buy the TOPSHOP or Miss selfridge clothes anymore, you opt for primark and I love primark as much as the next person, but the majority of the stuff is so unflattering and the sizing is so small and you go home thinking i’m sure i’m a size 12 but primark says i’m 22?
- Cleaning - The thing you do and within an hour you sit and think “WHY THE HELL DID I BOTHER”
- The toilet - If it isn’t the incontinence you seemed to have gained from carrying a watermelon and/or the birth, it’s the constant reminder that you’re life’s like big brother. Another private thing that you have an audience for.
- Waxing/shaving - I will live with stubbly legs, ect… for a long time. I try and if i’m lucky I have a pamper night once every few weeks, but sometimes i fall asleep in the bath…
- Finishing conversations - “I was watching made In chelsea the other day and Binky was talking to Lucy and she was like "Lucas, don’t put that in your mouth, you’ll make yourself sick,” sorry, as I was saying Binky said to Lucas, i mean Lucy, “Now you’ve been sick, what did i say, you silly sausage,” I give up.
- Your lovely handbag - it’s already been replaced with a changing bag and when you go out as a family and do bring your own bag, you find - Sophie the giraffe, a dummy (pacifier) and lots of other baby items on your next trip out to town by yourself as you forgot to check it before use again.
- Exercise - What even is this word?
- Home baking - Baking a fresh batch of cookies, a victoria sponge or a banana loaf is a thing of the past. You may make a batch of cornflake or rice crispy cakes and maybe a packet of “Thomas the tank” fairy cakes but that about as far as baking goes.
- Having your hair done - Roots are fashionable right? 6 weekly hair trips are 16 weekly.
- Food - You share it with your human dog, and thats if you’re lucky enough to eat it hot at all.
- Illness - “Mummy is ill, lets behave a million times worse because it’s funny”
- Social life - Going out is a thing of the past, having friends over and play dates is the new “in thing”
- Diets - “You’ve still got 2 more fish fingers, you don’t want them? okay mummy will eat them then, don’t want to waste them”
- Birthdays - “Happy birthday, oh it was 3 months ago…”
- Hobbies - “I used to sew, then I had children”
- The truth - “Yes Lucas, eats vegetables and has a really healthy diet” … The heath visitor doesn’t need to know about the advent calendar chocolate or the tiny bit of cake he has on his 6 months birthday or the other unhealthy little tasters we give him occasionally.
- Backing up the computer - Scared of bulglary, backing things up to icloud, external hard drives is something i’m meant to do, but forget and will kick myself if it ever happens.
- Copying printed pictures - same rules as number 24, but a fire is the thing i’m concerned about.
- Blogging - I am pretty good, but on a bad day, I usually come up with a genius idea for a post and forget it by 8pm when Brad comes home.
- Texting back - if you receive a text 3 days later, don’t take it personally… I’m usually feeding, changing, washing, sleeping, eating, and attempting to do things on this list.
- Showing your partner you appreciate them - You try to sit down and talk about their day, the baby cries. You snuggle on the sofa to watch TV, the baby cries… the list goes on, this also goes back to number 2.
- Sorting out things over the phone - The child is napping, lets quickly sort this out… Placed on hold, get through, child cries “I will need to call you back… in 2024.”
- Breathing - I’m sure if my body didn’t naturally do it, I wouldn’t have the time and i’d probably die….
On a serious note, having a child is amazing, i’m completely blessed and wouldn’t change it for the world, these points are true but I LOVE being a mum and would sacrifice all of these any day, because having Lucas is amazing…
Any you lovelies could add, i’d love to read them!?
