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BECOMING A YOUNG MUM WAS PART OF MY PLAN AND NOT SOMETHING I DID WRONG


Becoming a young Mum was part of my plan and not something I did wrong. This isn't something I have thought about for a while but on a crowdsourcing post, Chloe from 'Just The Three Of Us,' who became a young Mum herself at 18, posted asking about young Mum experiences and it bought a lot back to me. I was 20 when I fell Pregnant with Lucas. I was told at 19 I would struggle to conceive a child, if I had one at all. In that moment I felt all my dreams were about to be ripped away from me. I wanted nothing more than to be a Mum. Ever since I was little I dreamed of having a baby, becoming a Mother, the feeling of being Pregnant, giving birth, seeing them hit their milestones, everything that comes part and parcel of being a Mother. 




The thought of never having my own child, biologically or even carrying my own child was terrifying. Of course I would have happily adopted, fostered, tried IVF or enlisted the help of a surrogate if I needed to but I was stuck in the feelings of what if I can "never do what a woman is supposed to do" or what if "I can't give Brad a child of his own with our own DNA and he leaves me" 

In those moments of the deepest worry I sat with Brad and chatted to him about how much I wanted a baby and how I was ready and ready with him. It took Brad a while to feel the same and I never pushed as I was aware that before meeting me he'd never had a girlfriend and hadn't wanted to get married or have children and he'd not long decided that actually in the future this was something he'd be open to.
 I became a mother at 21, pregnant at 20 and to many thats not young, young is Teen but to others it was young. I was still petrified of telling my parents, my family and luckily everyone was so caring and excited. I still get asked now as a Mum of two and 24 years old (Brad is 27) whether we planned them, that seems like the most popular question to ask a younger Mum, well, yes, yes, both of them we're planned - all 3 pregnancies were and both our living children were. I feel like if you look under 30 it's automatically acceptable to ask whether your child was planned?
The worst question I get and I expect that is because i'm younger "Do both your kids have the same Dad?" I don't understand why anyone would ask that, like why does it matter? Once again, yes, yes, they do. I find the second question more intrusive and want to explode with anger! It bothers me greatly.

Becoming a Mum young meant I felt a lot of pressure to succeed, I failed breastfeeding with Lucas and I feel that was because I didn't get a lot of support. I feel like I was judged more for formula feeding because I was young I didn't want to breastfeed. I feel like there was a lot more judgement and it's horrible.
I remember once I had a young girl move into the block of flats opposite us and I heard her and her family discussing me one day. Lucas was tiny at this point. They were discussing how I must be on benefits or having Mummy or Daddy's help to afford to private rent. Now, she'd NEVER seen me before and knew nothing about me, she didn't know that I was actually on maternity leave and planning on returning to work or that I wasn't on my own and that my fiancé was actually out earning a living but most importantly who cares? Whether you're in a council property, private rented, mortgaged, owned, on benefits, not on benefits? Do you really care? I don't, as long as the kid is cared for.


There are so many positives to being a young Mum. I have two, beautiful, young children that I adore and to one day make it three (not yet). Brad and I are now married, we did everything backwards, we need to learn to drive in 2018 and move to a bigger property too but we're happy - really honestly happy.
Becoming a younger Mum didn't mean my life stopped, that I am living a rubbish life or missing out. I spent my 21st birthday pregnant, I was sober but sitting around feeling Lucas kicking me was amazing, I don't think I could have had a better 21st birthday. The memories we're making and moments we create are magical. The laughter, belly laughs are the best, the cuddles, the kisses, the late nights, early mornings everything is okay because you're never alone.

Im living life differently to some people my age but i'm happy to swap vodka bottles to baby bottles, the smell of dirty loo's at 3am in a nightclub to 3am cuddles and the smell of new baby. We wanted this life and we're grateful for it. I am happy and content. Fatter? Yes. Tired? Yes. Skint? Yes. None of this matters as the littles want for nothing, they're full of energy and they love me no matter what. Being a young Mum didn't ruin me life - it made it.