How is my Daughter nearly one? When did this happen? Where did the past year go? Its that cliche thing where the day before you're flustered, flapping and freaking out that tonight you'll be tucking in your Daughter on her last day of being 0 before declaring "She's one" for the next year when people ask how old your child is and in all honesty it's a heck of a lot harder this time round then it was the first time round with Lucas.
Is this normal? Is it normal for the more children you have for it to be harder? I know I would like one more but Brad is still "umming and ahhing" so I think the fact that Iris could be the last baby we have makes it a lot harder to watch her grow up so fast.
The past year truly has been amazing. My life with two kids seemed to just work and although we have tough days, a LOT of tough days, the positives outweigh the negatives on being a Mum of two for sure.
When we were expecting Iris strangers would constantly stick their noses in 'Oh, you're about to have your hands full," and "Oh, you think one is hard, just wait," it was like they thought Brad and I were naive to the fact that we were adding another human into our household and that we expecting it to be as simple and easy as just having one - we certainly weren't.
Having two was something we thought hard about, extra food, extra clothes and another mini person needing mine and Brad's complete and utter attention.
The worst questions were "Do they have the same Dad?" and "Two? whilst you're so young?" - So many ridiculous questions.
Iris slotted in so well to our family and I started to think we were doing something wrong. Life wasn't as hard as we thought - It just worked.
Housework was still completed and the house was tidy, dinner was still cooked, Lucas still got attention, Iris got enough too, we still got out the house to meet friends and Brad and I still got evenings together. I just felt incredibly lucky and still do.
Times have got more tricky in the past year, I am usually a little late now but we do get out the house, the house is still usually always tidy, a little more cluttered with toys for two kids but it's tidy and clean, there is a battle for my attention, Brad's attention and mostly my Mum's attention with the kids now but I do like to spread it as evenly as possible and well I love my kids and my life with them.
The past year has seen Iris and I complete a year of breastfeeding, we have the closest relationship and get on so well. Iris is such a Mummy's girl. Lucas is a great mix, he adores Daddy and when Daddy is home he wants to be sat with him or playing with him but if he feels ill or sad it's usually Mummy he wants but Iris is the opposite, it's always about Mum and not-so-secretly I love it and it makes me feel so happy.
Iris and I spend 3 days a week together without Lucas, now he's at Forest School and she loves being able to cuddle me, play and eat without being bothered by Lucas. That being said Lucas is her idol, she is obsessed with him. Iris looks up to Lucas and just absolutely besotted by him, she wants to follow his lead, do whatever he is doing, play with him and just adores him and everything he does and everything about him. If I was ever worried about giving Lucas a sibling seeing them together makes me realise those worries were for nothing. Now don't get me wrong he finds her extremely annoying 60% of the time but the other 40% he just adores her, spontaneous outbursts of "I love Iris" or "Iris is my best friend" and absolutely crushing my heart with how blooming adorable it is - Oh and when he finds her funny and giggles and says "Iris, funny."
A year ago I spent the day with my family and that night went to bed and little did I know that the next day I would wake up in labour and be meeting my baby. There were so many fears around this time, would I love her as much as Lucas, would I struggle with PND like I did last time, would I bond with this baby, would I suck as a Mum, would I be good enough, a worthy Mum, would labour go well, would I rupture my uterus, would I give birth to a poorly baby? so many negative thoughts but as soon as Iris was born and I laid eyes on her for the first time all those worries disappeared and I realised immediately that my heart didn't need to have room for another baby as it expands more and more each time and there is ALWAYS room for more love and those worries are so real but soon fixed.
The past year has taught me that being a Mum of two is the most amazing thing ever and my children really are so amazing and special. Iris has been the best gift of the past year and has slotted in so well into our family and watching her and Lucas grow together is incredible and so, so special. I am such a lucky Mum.
Tonight i'll be putting my 0 year old to bed for the last time and tomorrow i'll wake up with the sweetest little 1 year old. She just gets so much more amazing and beautiful as the days go by and makes me laugh so much. She's learning so much and hitting milestones and becoming a right little clever clogs and she amazes me daily. Life has changed so much in the past year and it's crazy that I had a huge, huge belly this time last year and could feel my tiny baby girl wriggling and jiggling in my tummy and this year, I still have a huge belly (minus baby) and I am watching her dance and we're celebrating her imminent birthday with a party with all her little friends and just feeling so overwhelmed by how many people love and care for her. She has some incredible friends, as does Lucas and her godparent's are just incredible and we've made the best decision on them for her.
This year has had many ups and downs but it's been so amazing in so many ways and seeing both my children grow up together and bond has been the best. Here is to another year and her next year of life is full of some really exciting times!
What a lucky Mama, I am. Also stay tuned for her birthday party blog post on Monday and her birthday letter tomorrow!
