I feel like May has been a write-off; in more ways than one. I have struggled to find the words to say, I don't know what to write about. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I have got half way through a blog post and held the delete button as what I'm typing is utter bullshit and it's not worthy of being published. I don't know what's happened but I truly hate it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, My blog is my baby and I adore it. Capturing photos of the kids and documenting their memories and moments; The ordinary moments. If this is the case then why do I suffer with writers block so frequently?
As it approaches June, I know that my baby boy is turning Three and my Nine months of maternity leave is coming to an end and I just feel so emotional about it all. Maybe that is why May has been such a terrible month for posting? I think about all these bloggers that can find something to write about every day or every other day and I'm struggling to find something to write about once a month. Am I that dull?
I suppose I didn't pick my camera up for two weeks as I was in a right ol' grumpy funk. That was one reason I tried to stay well away from my blog before I typed something I regretted or offended people. I started typing a lot of controversial posts before deleting. I realised that wasn't the blogger I wanted to be. I don't want to upset people or make them feel rubbish all because I'm in a grump and something they're doing has annoyed me at the precise moment.
Then the Manchester attacks happened and my heart was hurting. It's still hurting. How a group of people can be so wicked and want to hurt anyone is something i cannot comprehend but then to murder children? Thats another level. I wrote 5 paragraphs on that situation too before deleting it. It didn't feel right. I couldn't allow myself to talk about something that had left so many parents and children in utter heartbreak and devastation; So I left it to a rant on instastories instead. I went silent on Instagram as I felt posting happy pictures of my kids was inappropriate at that time and odd. How could I be so happy when something so terrible was happening so close to home.
This also has set me back about 1000 steps in my anxiety too.
So I guess that sums up my May. Writers block. For now I'm happy I have managed to write a post and publish it. I'm hoping June will be a better month for me. Lucas turns three, a birthday party and an exciting blogger experience at the end of June too. Lots going on, lots more photo ops and a better head space.
Everyone is entitled to have a crappy month and May was mine.
