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THE LAST TIME | LETTERS TO LUCAS #2


Dear little Lucas,

It's not long now, i'm still in complete shock that i'm writing you another letter whilst pregnant. Your sister is still in my tummy and i'm now 38 weeks pregnant and feeling seriously uncomfortable and sore. You know exactly what "sore" means now, you make us put cream on any mark and tell us it's "sore." You were like the hulk the other day and pulled the door off of your wooden kitchen, so badly that it's beyond repair. This is why you have a lovely mark on your nose. You're really quite silly. 


I've mentioned before about the last time i'll be doing things for you, and i'll probably be unaware that it's the last time too. It makes me feel really emotional thinking about the fact that this could have been our last weekend as a family of 3, with daddy working next weekend, and not off until the following one, I keep thinking what if we don't get to that weekend? I'll be days off due date, if i'm still pregnant, the next time daddy is off work for the weekend and that's really crazy and scary to be honest.

I know that one night soon, it'll be the last time I do your bedtime routine. It will be the last time I cook your dinner and you'll ask for a yogurt within minutes. It will be the last time I bath you and snuggle you in your towel and tickle your belly button. It will be the last time we pick out your favourite pyjamas and you'll tell me "no bum" as I battle with you to put on a nappy, but you're too stubborn to realise that you're just not ready to go 'bumless' at night times. We'll read some books of your choice and we'll cuddle as we read them and you look at me and listen so carefully to every word, if you chose one of the two books you can recite we'll be reading together too. I'll then tuck you in and click your gro clock over to the star, we'll read your gro clock book and the slow snail. I'll give you a kiss, and tuck you in again and say goodnight. Who knows whether i'll go into labour that night or the next day and that would have been the last bedtime I ever did as just your mummy and just you and I.


What about when you wake up to the sun, and crawl into bed with me and through my misty, half asleep eyes, put Thomas and friends on the laptop for you via netflix, at your demand, and we cuddle and snuggle for an extra hour or two and then you'll say "mummy, bweckfast" and we'll go downstairs and you pick yourself the same bowl, and you'll chose mummy the same bowl as everyday too. We'll eat our breakfast together, just us two, for possibly the last time.

I feel super emotional about this as you're currently my whole world and soon, i'll have two worlds and i'll have to split my time and honestly I still will totally adore you and i'll miss these moments, the ones we take for granted and forget are so special.


Although these may be the last times as just your mummy, i'll still be your mummy and we'll still have those things, but it will be more special with your little sister joining in on the action too.

I love you absolutely massively,